How to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship

1. Remember They're With YOU

The difference between you and that person you’re jealous of? You get to be with your partner and the other person won’t! Remember that you have the advantage and enjoy your relationship instead of letting your day get spoiled.

2. Make Feelings Known

If you’re feeling a little jealous, let your partner know. If you feel like a certain coworker or friend is getting way too close for comfort, talk it out with your partner in a calm way. Chances are they had no idea that person was even bothering you.

3. Don't Get Mad

Jealousy and anger often go hand in hand. Unfortunately, a bad temper can really turn up the heat on jealous feelings and insecurity. It will cloud your mind and cause you to say or do things that you regret if you’re not careful.

4. Channel it Into Something Positive

Jealousy is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s okay to care so much for someone that you want them to yourself. Just remember to channel it into something positive like a reminder that you are lucky to be with them instead of a threat.

5. Don't Get Possessive

One of our natural instincts is to get possessive of the things (or in this case, people) that we love. This may work with an object but your partner is a living, breathing person with feelings of their own. They deserve your love and respect but being possessive and demanding of them is rude and painful.

6. Understand How it Affects Others

Any time a strong emotion is involved, it usually changes the way we behave. You may become more cynical or find yourself saying things you don’t mean. If you’ve noticed that you keep having a negative effect on other people (especially the ones who may be close to your partner) understand that your problem may need some fixing.

7. Be Confident

One of the biggest causes of jealousy is fear that you’re not good enough. Don’t let your self-esteem change the way you approach your relationship. If you’re feeling insecure about your appearance then get active about taking better care of yourself and doing what you can to be the best you. However if it’s something deeper, this is an issue you may need to take more time to work through.

8. Don't Make Comparisons

You would never compare your partner to someone else in a negative light so why do it to yourself? There will always be someone better looking, stronger, smarter, faster, younger, richer or more talented than you but that does not discredit anything you have to offer the world. Our differences are what make us special and your partner is with you because they know just how special you really are.

9. Don't Make Demands

Sometimes this feeling can get the best of us and we say things that will only make it worse. It’s important to be open and honest with your partner but remember to do so in love and with patience. If your partner has been spending time with someone you’re not comfortable with, don’t demand that they end communication with the person. Work out respectful ways that will ease your fears and keep everyone happy.

10. Understand the Consequences

There are consequences to jealousy in a relationship. Often times, it results in a lack of trust. Jealousy can damage a relationship beyond repair if you are not careful so make sure you’re not risking your relationship just because of your own doubts.

11. Get Help to Let it Go

You are not going to help your relationship any by letting this become an issue. It will not be easy to let go of these feelings, especially if they’ve been caused by problems in past relationships, but you must. Get the help of a friend or loved one to talk through your insecurities and learn when to let it go.

12. See How They Feel

Your partner may be just as jealous of the way you are around other people. Talk to them and ask them if they are comfortable with everyone you choose to spend time with. Compromise and talk through the insecurities you both may be feeling. The result will be a healthier, happier relationship.

13. Don't Spy or Snoop

Most couples willingly share most things, but you both still need to respect each other’s space. Don’t ever go through your partners things without their permission. They deserve your trust so if you find yourself wanting to snoop, you need to reevaluate why.

14. Get Professional Help

If jealousy is becoming a serious issue in your relationship, you owe it to your partner and yourself to do something about it. Try to attend couples therapy if your partner is willing to. If not as a couple, at least try to see a therapist yourself so you can work through whatever it is that is preventing you from having a healthy relationship.

15. Find the Roots

Did your last partner cheat on you? Maybe you have had your share of painful relationships in the past. Whatever it is that is making you so irrational, you owe it to yourself and your partner to figure out what is causing the jealousy and how to repair it.